Letting Go
by Bam
Summary: UPDATED JUNE 6TH. Dash doesn't want to let go of the life she has, but knows she has to.
1. A Window Seat

She sat silently in the window, staring blindly at the crowded street below her.She pulled a cigarette from the pocket of her worn vest and toyed with it between her fingers.The people in the street below her took no notice of the small girl curled in the window.She sighed and lit the cigarette.She shivered as a cool spring breeze rolled across her body, blowing strands of thin blond hair into her eyes.She dropped her hand down to touch the brick below her, hoping it was still holding enough of the day's earlier heat to warm her.She had often sat out this same window in the past two years, but never with such sorrow.She blinked back tears as she realized that this would probably be the last time she sat here.

"Hey," she had no reaction to the soft voice behind her."Look, it's gonna be okay…You and me, kid, we're gonna be foine."She said nothing back."Will ya at least look at me?"She remained motionless.He was the one taking her away from this place.Her home.She loved him, was even in love with him, but she wasn't sure if this was the best thing for them.He had decided it was time for them to grow up.She wasn't sure if she was ready yet.

"I'm scared, Race," she said in a barely audible whisper.He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Why are ya scared?I'll always be dere for ya, you know dat!" he tried to comfort her, unsuccessfully.She nodded.

"I don't wanna leave heah.It's my home.It's where we foist met.All our friends are heah."She fought her tears."I don't wanna have ta rememba a new address, or meet new neighbors."

"We're too old for dis place, Dash, ya know dat," he reasoned with her.She just lowered her head."We gotta grow up!We can't be newsies foreva!You and me, we're both near twenty!"

"Dat's all well and good for you, but what 'bout me?You and Blink got a place t'getha.Who do I have?You don't want us to live heah anymore, but you don't want us to live t'getha eitha!"Dash was growing more upset with each word.

"I set ya up wit does goils I know!What's wrong wid dem?You know I ain't ready ta live t'getha,"He asked.

"Maybe I ain't ready ta leave dis place!Besides, dey ain't my friends, dey's your friends,"she said coldly.She thought of Scatter, her best friend and bunkmate since they both moved into the lodging house two years ago."I don't wanna leave Scatta…" she added softly.

"Scatta?" he said with a snort."You'll be betta off widout her."

"She's me best friend, Race.Just because you don't like her, doesn't mean I'd be betta off widout her.She's like me sista."

"She's gonna bring you down wid her, Dash.Like I said, you're betta off widout her."Race said condescendingly.

"Please go, Race." Dash could no longer fight her tears, as they started streaming down her cheeks.

"Foine." Race left.She could tell by his tone that he was annoyed, but she didn't care.She was terrified to live with these new girls.What if they didn't like her?Dash knew that Race would be there for her, no matter what, but she wasn't sure if that was what she really needed.She didn't want to be away from the security of Scatter, but she knew that Race was right.She had to let go, at least for now.In another year, Scatter would be old enough to move out of the lodging house and find a proper job.Dash and Scatter had already made secret plans to find a small place together.Dash took a deep breath.It's only for a year, she thought, and then I'll have Scatter.She tore her damp eyes away from the street and looked up toward the sky.The sun was beginning to break through the clouds.


	2. Broken Plans

Dash stood in the dark alley, waiting for Scatter to arrive. This was the night. Tonight they were going to change their lives. She shivered and stuck her hands in her pockets, brushing against something wrapped in thin paper. 

"What the…" Dash murmured as she pulled out the tiny paper ball. Unwrapping it revealed half of a cookie that she had stolen the night before. Greedily, Dash devoured the tiny treat and sighed. Looks like I ain't gonna go too hungry t'night, she thought with a sarcastic laugh. Hours passed, leaving Dash still waiting in the alley. Scatter hadn't bothered to show up. Dash slowly began her walk back to the lodging house, her thoughts sprinkled with anger and bitterness.

"Heya doll, where ya been?" Race looked up from his poker game when Dash entered the room.

"Nowhere important…" Dash quickly ducked out of the room, hoping to avoid any more questions. She knew that Race wouldn't follow her to pursue the issue; he was too involved in his game to bother himself with Dash's problems. Not that I would tell him anyway, she thought smugly. No one knew of her plan. No one except Scatter, of course. Thinking about Scatter caused her feelings of rage to flare up again. Dash dropped herself onto her bunk and waited for her to come home. 

When she woke the next morning, Dash noticed something was different. It didn't take long before she realized what it was. The familiar sag from Scatter's slumbering body in the bunk above her was missing. Scatter hadn't come home the night before. A wave of panic washed over Dash, as endless thoughts of what might have happened to Scatter filled her head. She jumped out of bed and bolted down the stairs, trampling everyone in her path. She had to get onto the streets and start searching for her friend. 

"Dash McCullen! You watch where ya goin'! Ya gonna kill someone!" An angry voice called from her wake, causing her to come to a dead stop.

"Don't you use me full name, Scatta Sagen! Where da hell were ya last night?" Dash screamed.

"Oh Dash, I met the best guy eva! I went out wid him, and I guess we lost track of da time cuz da next t'ing I know, its five in da mornin' and we'se still up and about!" Scatter stopped gushing when she caught a glimpse of Dash's still angry face. "I'm real sorry I made ya worry, but it ain't like you'se me motha or nothin'… Besides, ya gotta meet him! And he's got dis friend, dat would be so poifect for ya!" Scatter's ignorant excitement was growing.

"Foist of all, I got a guy already. His name is Race, maybe you rememba him?" Dash's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Second," Dash dropped her tone to a low whisper, "you was supposed ta meet me last night. We was supposed to go t'rough wid our plan last night." Dash looked away abruptly.

"Oh shit, Dash, I'm so sorry. I forgot. It's just dat, I met Kevin, and well, I got carried away." Dash shook her head and walked away. She knew how Scatter got when there was a guy involved. Nothing else mattered, not even her best friend.


	3. An Encounter with Fear

"Hey Dash

"Hey Dash! Get in heah!" Race's voice rang through the lodging house.

"Wudda want, Race?" Dash wearily entered the lobby, taking note of the small girl standing next to Race.

"I want ya ta meet one of your new roommates. Dis is Feah," The girl stepped forward and extended her hand. Dash looked at it, but did not move.

"Nice ta meet ya. I'm Dash, as I'm shoa you already know," Dash looked Fear over. She certainly did not look like anyone to fear. The girl was short, with frizzy brown hair pulled back into a messy bun, and a noticeably hourglass figure. 

"Race told me all about ya, Dash. I'm lookin' forward ta livin' wid ya," Fear gave her a broad smile.

"I t'ought da two of you'se could sell tagetha t'day. Feah's a newsie ova in Brooklyn." Dash held in a sigh.

"I can't. I told Scatta I'd sell wid her t'day," Dash lied. "We got some t'ings ta take care of."

"Well, Feah can go wid you guys! I'm shoa Scatta…"

"Dat's alright, I gotta get back ta Brooklyn anyhow," Fear interrupted Race. "It was nice meetin' ya, Dash. I'll see ya around!" The girl called cheerfully as Dash made a hasty exit to the streets.

Dash didn't buy her usual stack of papers, but instead made her way toward Brooklyn. Along the way, she bought a single paper from a young newsie she didn't recognize. She found the classified section, and searched for available apartments. Dash spent the rest of her day walking all over town, looking at each possible apartment or room for rent. It was started to grow dark outside when Dash approached what she had decided would be the last one for the day. It was a small house in Brooklyn, on Sheepshead Bay. She cautiously knocked on the door, and an elderly woman appeared. 

"Why hello there, young lady! How can I help you?"

"Hi… I…um… was wonderin' about da apartment for rent?" Dash stuttered.

"Oh of course! It's right upstairs." Dash followed the woman up a flight of stairs, where she paused to unlock the heavy wooden door at the top. "We just converted the top floor of our house into a small apartment. After my sons moved out, my husband and I just had no need for the whole house. My name is Mary Winters, by the way. What did you say your name was, dear?"

"Dash McCullen. Nice ta meet ya, Mrs. Winters," the old woman smiled pleasantly.

"There are two bedrooms, with a small bathroom connecting them. This room that we're in now can serve as a sitting room, or you can use it as a kitchen. There's a sink and a small stove in the back corner."

"How much is the rent?" Dash couldn't believe this place. It was almost too good to be true.

"It's ten dollars a month. There's no heat or electricity up here though, so you'll have to use the stove and candles. Is that a problem?" Dash shook her head, thinking about how that would save money. 

"I hafta talk it ova wid me friend, but I t'ink we'll prolly take it. Thank you very much, Mrs. Winters. I'll prolly be back!" Dash grinned as they said goodbye. She ran all the way back to the lodging house, excited to tell Scatter about her find. Their plan was almost ready to be put into action.

"Dash?" A voice called from behind her. "Is dat you?" Dash turned to see a slightly familiar girl.

"Yeah, its me. Feah, right?"

"Yup! Wudda ya doin' heah in Brooklyn?" Fear asked curiously.

"Oh.. I was just… visitin' an old friend. In Sheepshead Bay," Dash was certain that Fear was satisfied with her lie.

"Well, why don't I walk back ta Manhattan wid ya?" Dash thought for a minute. She really didn't want Fear to walk with her, she didn't even know the girl! Plus, she wanted to tell Scatter the good news as soon as she saw her, and wouldn't be able to if Fear was with her. Then again, there was supposed to be a poker game tonight, so she probably wouldn't be able to talk to Scatter alone until later anyway.

"Shoa, why not." The two girls started walking in silence. "So why are ya comin' ta Manhattan? I neva saw ya hangin' around befoah." Dash realized how rude she sounded, and cursed herself for not thinking before speaking.

"Well, Race wanted me ta come ta da poker game," Fear paused to think. "But I think he really just wanted you and me ta get ta know each odda betta, seein' as we'se livin' tagetha and all." Dash nodded. The two girls chatted casually the rest of the walk, leaving Dash pleasantly surprised. Maybe dis goil ain't so bad afta all, she caught herself thinking. Too bad I ain't gonna live wid her…


	4. An Indecent Proposal?

            "Scatta, it's great!  You gotta see it!"  Dash whispered excitedly into Scatter's ear.  They were standing around the poker table, watching Race play.  "And da old lady is real nice too.  I bet she'll bake us cookies and stuff!"

            "Okay, okay, I get it!  I'll go with ya ta look at da place!"  Scatter whispered back.  "Now will ya shut up about it?"

            "Let's go tomorrow," Dash requested.

            "Can't.  Goin' out with Kevin"

            "Oh.  Well, when can ya do it?"  Dash asked quietly.

            "Dunno…  I got plans wid Kevin all week.  I'll let ya know,"  Scatter's casual tone was making Dash's blood boil.

            "It's just dat we gotta do dis soon.  I'm supposed ta move in wid dose odda goils soon!"  Dash insisted, but Scatter was now talking to someone else.

            The weeks passed and the two girls never looked at the apartment.  The day when Dash was to move in with the other girls was rapidly approaching.  Becoming depressed with that thought, Dash started out on a walk to clear her head.  Before she knew it, it had grown dark out.  Where da hell am I, she asked herself.  Looking around, she realized the buildings looked familiar to her.  She heard the familiar thumping of horse hooves.  Dash's face lit up as she realized she was in Brooklyn, by the races.  Not wanting to make the long walk back home in the dark, Dash headed for the Brooklyn lodging house, hoping that Spot would take her in for a night.

            "Hey Dash!" Spot called out to her as she walked into the lodging house.  "You runnin' again?"  Dash smiled.  She had met Spot before he was the leader of the Brooklyn newsies, when the Manhattan leader before Jack had made her a runner.  Her job was to deliver messages and sometimes packages between the Manhattan lodging house and the other lodging houses all over the city.  Dash noticed Spot on one of her first runs to Brooklyn, and soon started spending more and more of her time there.  The two grew extremely close and had even dated for a brief period before realizing that they were better off as friends.  When Spot took over as the Brooklyn leader, he insisted that there be one trusted runner who would go between only Brooklyn and Manhattan, stating that he was afraid that having runners go all over the city jeopardized the safety of his newsies.  Jack didn't understand Spot's fears, but was also a newly appointed leader and wanted to stay on Spot's good side, so he gave in.  Ever since then, Dash had been the runner between the two boroughs only.  Since deciding to move out of the lodging house, her job was passed down to another newsie.

            "Hiya Spot!  Nah, I ain't runnin', you know dat,"  Dash answered cheerfully.

            "Well, it's still good ta see ya.  I t'ought you wouldn't be 'round much anymore."

            "Actually, I might not.  Dat's what I came heah ta tawk ta you about,"  Spot hid his surprise and motioned for her to follow him outside.  They sat down on the front steps and she gratefully accepted the cigarette he offered her.  She explained about moving in with these strange new girls, and looking at the apartment, and Scatter ditching her, and Race ignoring her.  When she was finished, she breathed a sigh of relief.

            "Wow.  So why doncha move into dat apartment by yerself?"  Spot asked. 

            "I ain't got dat kind of money!  I could come up with half of it, but I need anudda person to have dat odda half."

            "What if I found anudda person?"  Spot asked.

            "How would dat be any different from livin' wid dose goils?"  Dash said impatiently.

            "Well…." Spot thought for a few minutes.  "What if I moved in witcha?"

            "Have ya gone crazy?  You're da leada!  Ya can't not live in da lodging house!"

            "Yeah, well, maybe I ain't wantin' ta be da leada so much any more,"  Dash looked at him questioningly.  "I'm da same age as you, Dash.  Its about time for me ta grow up too."  Dash nodded.

            "But…  You're a boy!  It's not right!"  Dash stuttered.

            "Oh shut up, Dash.  You and me are like brudda and sista.  So wudda ya say?"  Spot insisted.

            "Well…  alright,"  Dash agreed to the deal.  "We can go see Mrs. Winters tomorrow."


End file.
